If you Google “how to say no at work,” there’s no shortage of ways to phrase or frame a “no.” But I’m guessing that’s not really your problem.

Cognitive biases are happening in your brain all the time. 

Especially if you aren’t paying attention to what is going on in there. 

I developed a nasty habit in law school.

When I knew there was a goal I had to meet - like exams or a paper or the bar - I would … 

The problem with positive affirmations... 

They don’t always work. In fact, they rarely work. Not on the big stuff at least. Those limiting beliefs you’ve had for a very long time.

I bet there was a time where you were good at saying “no.”

If I could get you to do just one thing to make you feel less stressed about how much is on your plate, it would be this: 

Busy happens in your brain. Not on your calendar.

Perfectionism + overachieving = an untenable combo.

Let me tell you why.

We are a society obsessed with productivity.

It is often how we measure our own worth. Even if we don’t realize that’s what we are doing.

The advice I gave to my first official associate mentee? “You are dispensable here.” 

She was a little taken aback at first, but eventually, she told me it was the best piece of advice that I gave her. 

I don’t expect there is an associate out there who hasn’t had or won’t have the experience of being given an arbitrary and/or unreasonable deadline by a partner. More than once. 

One of the worst things about being an associate was the arbitrary and unreasonable deadlines.

And I’m not talking about the ones partners would set. (More on those tomorrow).

A common thing I work with associates on - especially newer associates? They hate asking for work, but also get anxious when they are low on work. 

Now that you know the truth about people pleasing (and if you don't, check out my prior posts this week)...

How do you stop people pleasing to your own detriment?

▫️People pleasing isn’t inherently good or bad.▫️

▫️You aren’t typically doing it (solely - or even mostly) for other people - you are doing it for you.▫️

▫️You can’t actually please other people.▫️

Whether they feel pleased is entirely on them.

Let’s talk people pleasing - i.e., speaking and behaving to accommodate the (expressed or perceived) emotional needs of others, often to your own detriment.

Admitting to yourself that you don’t want something anymore is powerful. Even if it is painful. Even if you can’t do anything about it just yet.