A (not-so-fun) Game
Remember those magazine quizzes we used to obsess over? I have one for you.
Give yourself one point for each statement that you answer “yes” to (and tell me in the comments, which one resonated most).
Do you:
▫️ Consistently find yourself overworking, overpromising, and overscheduling?
▫️ Constantly feel behind or believe you should have gotten more done?
▫️ Have trouble leaving work at work?
▫️ Work when you're sick or work on vacations?
▫️ Prioritize requests from other people over your own work and free time?
▫️ Find yourself constantly checking emails and being hyperresponsive?
▫️ Volunteer for or assume responsibility for things that don't benefit you?
▫️ Worry about disappointing your boss, colleagues, or clients or them not liking you?
▫️ Have trouble saying no to requests from others?
▫️ Struggle to rest or just take time for yourself?
Did you get ALL the points? Yikes.
But I’m not surprised.
The cause or at least a major contributor?
You believe one or more (likely more) of the following:
▪️Your value is determined by what or how much you accomplish, what and how much you do for others, and/or what other people think of you.
▪️Your needs or desires are less important than those of other people.
▪️You are lazy and that’s bad or being lazy is bad so you avoid it at all costs.
▪️You have to earn rest/relaxation/leisure.
These beliefs contribute to these kinds of thoughts or variations of them:
▪️I should/have to do X.
▪️I can't say no.
▪️I don't have time… [for this thing that you enjoy or want to do].
▪️I'm too busy… [for this thing that you enjoy or want to do].
▪️I haven't gotten enough done.
▪️I’m so behind.
▪️They will think X about me if I say “no.”
▪️I don’t want to upset X.
▪️It's selfish.
▪️I shouldn't need to rest.
▪️I have to finish X before I can relax.
▪️If I can just make it until X, then I’ll slow down.
▪️They are paying me for my time, so I have to be available/have to say yes.
▪️I don't want to burden someone else if I don’t do X.
▪️It's easier if I just do it myself.
▪️Hard work is what makes me successful.
These beliefs, and the thoughts that flow from them, are a large part of the reason you put so many fingers down in one of the least fun games you’ve probably played in a while.
You may not care that you put any fingers down.
But if you do…
The solution?
First, awareness. Getting crystal clear on what it is you currently believe and how it is impacting your life.
Second, changing those beliefs that don’t currently serve you or the life you want to lead to ones that actually do and/or leaning into the discomfort of doing things even when you haven’t changed your beliefs quite yet.
Third, start taking incremental actions that are aligned with your new beliefs (e.g., saying no, adding in rest).
