On Feeling Behind

One thing that’s making work more miserable for you than it needs to be? 

Repeatedly thinking or talking about how “behind” you “feel.” 

First, “behind” isn’t a feeling. What you are actually feeling is probably overwhelm or anxiety. Or maybe you feel defeated. 

BECAUSE you are telling yourself you’re “behind.” 

And when we feel overwhelmed or anxious or defeated, we usually take actions that perpetuate those feelings. Like thinking about all the things we didn’t get done, but not taking any action to get them done. Or not getting better at time management and just repeating old habits. 

Second, being “behind” is an optional thought. A made up concept. One that doesn’t serve you because it creates more of the same.

Interestingly, we often don’t even have a clear idea of what “behind” means. We are just so used to saying it to ourselves. If we actually stopped to ask ourselves, “How so?” Or “Behind how?,” we won’t have a very clear answer other than behind where you wish you were.

Because “feeling behind” is just a side effect of all of the unhelpful productivity socialization we’ve gotten. You know the kind that makes you always believe you “should” have done more than you have no matter how much you did. The kind that ties our self-worth to some amorphous standard of having gotten “enough” done that we can’t ever meet. The kind that has us overworking and underresting. 

Sometimes though, we do have a good idea of where we wanted to be or what we wanted to have done, and we haven’t met it. 

In that scenario, we are typically “behind” in the sense that we created a very unrealistic to-do list or goals for ourselves that we couldn’t have completed even if things had gone perfectly, that ignored the fact that the unexpected always comes up, and that allowed for no space or time to be a human being. See supra on productivity socialization. 

Either way, you don’t have to tell yourself that you are behind. That’s the problem. Not how much you have or haven’t done. 

In fact, you can choose to believe that “behind” isn’t a thing. That you’re always exactly where you should be. 

If the latter seems like a stretch, I get it. It can take some time to get there. (But you can. I used to tell myself I felt behind ALL. THE. TIME. I can’t remember the last time I thought that.). 

A few things to start trying:

1️⃣ When your brain tells you that you “feel” behind, drop into your body and name the actual emotion you are feeling. Research shows that the simple act of naming your emotions can create more calm.

2️⃣ Acknowledge the thought AND that it is a thought. And then think something more helpful. “There goes my brain again - offering me the thought that I’m ‘behind.’ That’s just my productivity socialization talking. I have a plan”

3️⃣ Ask yourself this question: “How is that not true?” Run through the list of things you have actually already gotten done that day or that week or go over the plan you have for getting everything done.

4️⃣ Start getting better at managing your time - setting a realistic to-do list for the day and actually getting that list done.