One of the worst things about being an associate was the arbitrary and unreasonable deadlines.

And I’m not talking about the ones partners would set. (More on those tomorrow).

A common thing I work with associates on - especially newer associates? They hate asking for work, but also get anxious when they are low on work. 

Now that you know the truth about people pleasing (and if you don't, check out my prior posts this week)...

How do you stop people pleasing to your own detriment?

▫️People pleasing isn’t inherently good or bad.▫️

▫️You aren’t typically doing it (solely - or even mostly) for other people - you are doing it for you.▫️

▫️You can’t actually please other people.▫️

Whether they feel pleased is entirely on them.

Let’s talk people pleasing - i.e., speaking and behaving to accommodate the (expressed or perceived) emotional needs of others, often to your own detriment.

Admitting to yourself that you don’t want something anymore is powerful. Even if it is painful. Even if you can’t do anything about it just yet. 

The truth of a thought vs. its value. These things are not the same.

Subtraction is an overlooked force for change, because it is less mentally accessible than addition. Science! 

Sometimes when I reflect on the first decade of my legal career, I lament the energy I used to have. 

The fear of being selfish (or being perceived as selfish) comes up often for people socialized as women. 

Your emotions don’t always seem logical.

Feeling guilty for not doing enough despite meeting or exceeding your hours. 

I came into law school having no idea what it looked like to be a lawyer - beyond what I saw on TV.

I definitely had no idea what it looked like to be a “successful” lawyer.

Everyone you know has a different version of you in their head.

They created it.

And it isn’t your responsibility.

Your self talk sits on a throne of LIES.

I can still feel that dread in my body. The kind I used to get before having any kind of “difficult” conversation at work.

Giving less than stellar feedback. Delivering bad news. Asking for help with my workload. Telling someone I couldn’t take another project on.

What if I told you it was possible for those kinds of conversations to feel easier?

How do we make them less difficult? 

Yesterday, you learned (a) that mindset is key and (b) how to create some awareness around your current mindset about a conversation.

Today, we’re going to take that awareness and do something constructive with it! 

We’ve all had them. We’ve all avoided them. We’ve all struggled with them.

Let’s chat about how to make them less difficult.