How to Stop People Pleasing
Now that you know the truth about people pleasing (and if you don't, check out my prior posts this week)...
How do you stop people pleasing to your own detriment?
As always, the first step is awareness.
I want you to start asking yourself “Why?”
“Why am I doing this?”
Is it because it makes YOU happy? Because it makes YOU feel good? Because you like or want to do this thing? Because giving the gift of your time, energy, words, or money feels good? Because it aligns with your values? Because it helps create the life you want to lead?
Or are you doing this for a reason that maybe you don’t like so much (i.e., at your own expense)?
Because:
-You need them to validate you
-You think you have to
-You want their approval
-You think you don’t have another choice
-You will be a bad person or selfish if you don’t do it
-You think can’t handle whatever emotion you will feel if you don’t do it
-You think should
-It feels unsafe if you don’t
-You want to avoid conflict
-You don’t want to disappoint them
-You don’t want to be rejected
-It’s “easier” than not doing it
I want you to know and like your reasons for everything you do.
Start by becoming aware of your reasons first.
You may not even realize you don’t like them.
Or that you are choosing them when you don’t have to.
Awareness precedes intentional choice, and intentional choice precedes change.
Next step is shifting the way you are thinking and being willing to feel some negative emotions.
But only once you become aware of your reasons, can you start working toward making choices you like and learning to live with the temporary discomfort of those changes.
A ❤️ note to you: If you know you people please more than you’d like and/or in ways you don’t like, I can help. This is learned behavior that can be unlearned. And it helps to have someone work through that discomfort with you. Someone to help you recognize where you are allowing other people to choose for you and to help you come up with a plan for what choices you want to make and how to do it. To get started, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
