Let’s Talk People Pleasing
What is people pleasing? Speaking and behaving to accommodate the (expressed or perceived) emotional needs of others, often to your own detriment.
I’m not here to tell you that people pleasing is bad. Or that you have to stop doing it. Or that you should feel bad because you do it.
It isn’t something about you that needs to be fixed or changed.
You may decide that you like being a person who takes the wants, needs, and feelings of other people into account, even at your own expense sometimes!
I personally like that about myself. And that means I people please occasionally.
The key change to me is intentionality versus defaulting to it because it feels uncomfortable not to.
Here’s what I find often happens when women aren’t intentional about it:
-We take actions that are solely intended to avoid guilt or shame
-We constantly feel responsible for how other people feel
-We overschedule ourselves
-We overapologize
-We have trouble saying no
-We get uncomfortable at the idea of other people being uncomfortable
-We rely heavily on external validation to feel good about ourselves
-We often agree to things that inconvenience us or we don’t want to do
-We don’t like to or don’t believe we can set boundaries
-We get uncomfortable with the idea of breaking “rules”
-We are really sensitive to criticism or negative feedback
-We are fixers - our instinct is to always try and fix or solve everything for everyone
-We don't speak up and share our ideas
-We care about others to the point of exhaustion or resentment
Unfortunately, people pleasing can negatively affect your health (and keeps you living a life that you don’t love or often even like). And it is more common in people socialized as women.
Which makes sense.
Women are socialized to put others before themselves. To be amiable at whatever the cost. To worry about everyone’s opinions and emotions above their own.
People pleasing is a natural (and intended) by product of that socialization.
If this resonate with you and you don’t like that - stick around this week. I’m going to discuss some eye opening truths about people pleasing that can help you be more intentional about when and why you do it.
A ❤️ note to you: If you know you people please more than you’d like and/or in ways you don’t like, I can help. This is learned behavior that can be unlearned. And it helps to have someone work through that discomfort with you. Someone to help you recognize where you are allowing other people to choose for you and to help you come up with a plan for what choices you want to make and how to do it. To get started, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
