Difficult Conversations in the Workplace - Part 2

How do we make them less difficult? 

Yesterday, you learned (a) that mindset is key and (b) how to create some awareness around your current mindset about a conversation.

Today, we’re going to take that awareness and do something constructive with it! 

💡Reframe Your Thinking. Take each of these negative thoughts and reframe them to thoughts that serve you better. 

For example, one easy reframe: Stop calling the conversation “difficult.” Just call it a conversation. Or an important conversation. Or a necessary conversation.

Some questions to help you reframe:

▫️How is each negative thought not true? What else could be true?

▫️Even if the negative thought is or could be true, what if it isn’t a problem?

▫️Why is it better to have this conversation than not? How does it serve me? How does it serve the other people who will participate?

You can use the answers to these questions as new thoughts and intentionally focus on thinking them.

💡Manage Your Emotions. Think about how you want to feel. 

You’re inevitably going to feel some emotions you don’t like, e.g., anxiety, dread, and guilt. But you can also pick emotions that you want to feel and cultivate them intentionally. 

Some great emotions are curiosity, calm, compassion, unbothered, and commitment. 

Think about your “difficult” conversation. How or what do you need to think to feel each of these emotions before, during, and after the conversation?

💡Define Both Your Objectives and Success. We typically view a difficult conversation as successful only when (1) the other person reacts exactly the way we want or (2) we get the outcome we want. 

These are too high a bar for success because neither is ultimately in our control! Instead, decide how the conversation could be successful based on what is actually in your control: how you will think, feel, and act. 

With that framing in mind, what are your objectives? What would be a win for you? What would you be proud of?

💡Don’t Expect Total Ease. You can’t avoid all discomfort.

You are not a robot. Expect and allow the conversation to be uncomfortable. 

Discomfort doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong; it is not an objective measure of how the conversation went. 

Instead ask yourself: (1) what do I need to do to tend to my own emotions before, during, and after the conversation? (2) how do I want to talk to myself after the conversation is over?

Tomorrow, I’ll talk about some strategies you can combine with your brand new mindset!