Some Truths About People Pleasing - Part 2

▫️You aren’t typically doing it (solely - or even mostly) for other people - you are doing it for you.▫️

And I mean that with all the love in the world and zero judgment, as someone who had serious people pleasing tendencies myself.

You think what you are trying to do is please other people.

But more often than not, you don’t engage in people-pleasing behaviors to actually please other people. You do it to avoid the negative emotion you have when you think about not doing it--like guilt or anxiety or shame or fear.

You’re people pleasing for yourself---not to make them happy, but to keep yourself from feeling bad.

And in the end you feel bad anyways. 

It’s just a different emotion than the one you were trying to avoid by people pleasing. 

Resentment. Overwhelm. Exhaustion. Self loathing. Contempt.

You trade the short term discomfort of being true to yourself for the longer term discomfort that comes with denying yourself. 

▫️You are actually deceiving people and rejecting you.▫️

You are deceiving them by being someone other than who you are or doing things you don’t want to do. Trying to act a certain way to get them to think or feel a certain way about you. Into liking a fake or watered-down version of you. 

Not only does this not often work, because you have no control over how other people think and feel...

It's exhausting.

And when you aren’t yourself because you don’t think you are good enough or that people won’t like you for being you, you are depriving them of the opportunity to truly know you and love you.

And you aren’t giving yourself the opportunity to truly love you.

You are rejecting you. And your wants. Your preferences. 

And that never feels good.

For prior posts on this topic, including Part 1, check out my profile, and ring the 🔔 in my profile for more coming this week. 

A ❤️ note to you: If you know you people please more than you’d like and/or in ways you don’t like, I can help. This is learned behavior that can be unlearned. And it helps to have someone work through that discomfort with you. Someone to help you recognize where you are allowing other people to choose for you and to help you come up with a plan for what choices you want to make and how to do it. To get started, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.