Busy isn’t a state of being. It’s a mindset.

Typically, the more busy you think you are and the more often you think about how busy you are, the busier your mind gets.

And the more overwhelmed, anxious, and or stressed you feel.

And the less capable you are of constraining, pulling back, focusing, being productive, or relaxing.

We love to promise ourselves that next week or next month will be different.

If we just make it though this one case, deadline, project, trip, or busy spell, things will be different.

One of the biggest complaints I heard from associates in my time in Big Law: Lack of feedback.

Let’s talk about what to do about it.

Perfectionism + overachieving = an unwinnable scenario.

Here’s why:

When I hear people talk about what makes a good associate, especially a good junior associate, I hear a lot of the same qualities over and over again.

This was the advice I gave to my first associate mentee.

I think she was a little taken aback at first, but eventually, she told me it was the best piece of advice that I gave her. 

I obviously didn't mean it in the sense that she was dispensable as a human being. She is (and all of us are) indispensable in that sense. 

“I’m underwater.”

“I’m drowning.”

These are phrases I used so often in Big Law. In my head. Outloud. In emails asking me to do just one more thing during a 200+ hour billable month. To civilians (Cringe.).

I don’t expect there is an associate out there who hasn’t had or won’t have the experience of being given an arbitrary and/or unreasonable deadline by a partner. More than once. 

Do I wish it wasn’t a thing? Sure. 

Am I going to get that wish? Not in this lifetime.

A quick tool for checking in with yourself when you aren’t loving how things are going.

What’s working? What isn’t? Do I want to adjust what I’m thinking, feeling, or doing or my current circumstance?

One of the worst things about being an associate was the arbitrary and unreasonable deadlines.

And I’m not talking about the ones partners would set.

I’m talking about the ones you set for yourself. The ones you people please your way into.

Have you ever engaged in the game of one upping someone about how busy you are? Also known as the “Busy Olympics.”

I definitely used to be up for a couple of rounds of this.

The problem is that there are no real winners.

We tend to think we would love to be happy all the time.

I know that thought has crossed my mind. It used to a lot. Still does occasionally.

A common thing I work with associates on - especially newer associates? They hate asking for work, but also get anxious when they are slow. 

Let’s talk about the first piece.

Admitting to yourself that you don’t want something anymore is powerful.

Like admitting that you don’t want to keep: 

Your current job

Your current hours

Your current practice area

A current habit

Your current career

Your current schedule

Your current salary

Your lack of boundaries

Your unwillingness to advocate for yourself

Have you taken a docking station and monitors (plural) on vacation? ✅

Have you taken a laptop on the beach? Not TO the beach, but literally ON the beach, and worked in the sand? ✅

We tend to be very attached to our thoughts.

We believe they are true. Taking them at face value without question. Especially those mean girl thoughts. 

The definition of success isn’t “forever.” You’re definitely doesn’t have to be.

But that's often how we view success, even if we don’t realize it.

How do you stop people pleasing to your own detriment?

As always, the first step is awareness.

▫️People pleasing isn’t inherently good or bad.▫️

It just is.

▫️You aren’t typically doing it (solely) for other people - you are doing it for you.▫️

▫️You are actually deceiving people and rejecting you.▫️