People Pleasing Truths - Part 3

▫️People pleasing isn’t inherently good or bad.▫️

It just is.

I know I talked about this earlier this week, but I really want to underscore it. 

Our brains evolved from ancestors who would literally die if they were kicked out of the tribe – people pleasing is a natural instinct.

AND you may have gotten some extra social conditioning that has you people pleasing more than you’d like or in situations that don’t serve you.

For some people, it’s a safety mechanism. They learned at a very young age that people pleasing allowed them some control over their physical, psychological, or emotional safety. It kept them safe(r) as a child. That safety mechanism stuck with them even though it isn’t needed now.

For some people, they are trying to fill an emotional need. To feel loved. To feel like they belong. To feel accepted. (People pleasing doesn’t actually create any of these things, but it still contributes to this kind of behavior).

For women, we are also taught to put everyone else’s wants, desires, and needs before our own. We are also taught that our value is determined by what other people think of us. To be quiet and amiable. To place authority outside of ourselves.

This leads to people pleasing without any intentionality, which can have consequences we really don’t like.

But that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. Or that you are wrong. 

There is zero need for judgment.

Of course you people please. It makes perfect sense given the above. 

Give yourself some grace. Some compassion. Some love. Some validation. 

Create the things you are looking for when you default to people pleasing. 

If you decide you do want to make some changes to your people pleasing, that shame is only going to get in the way.

And you have nothing to be ashamed of. 

A ❤️ note to you: If you’re used to putting yourself last, I get it. Women learn very early on that this is what we are supposed to do. But this is learned behavior that can be unlearned. And though it can be really uncomfortable at first, it gets easier. And it helps to have someone work through that discomfort with you. To help you come up with a plan for what choices you want to make and how to do it. Send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) get started.