A Quick Self-Check-In Tool

A quick tool for checking in with yourself when you aren’t loving how things are going. 

What’s working? What isn’t? Do I want to adjust what I’m thinking, feeling, or doing or my current circumstance?* 

The brain has a negativity bias. 

Even when you’re experiencing negative and positive events of equal magnitude, you feel the negative events more intensely. Remember them more clearly. Are reminded of them more often. 

So if we aren’t paying attention, our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are often naturally dictated by that negative filter. 

I don’t have any research to back it up, but my guess is that negativity bias is in overdrive for most lawyers.

On top of that, you’ve got confirmation bias. The brain actively looks for evidence to support your current beliefs or thoughts.

So if those are negative, your brain is going to look for more evidence to confirm that things aren’t going well. 

I am not a naturally positive person. Never have been. 

And I’m definitely not an advocate for toxic positivity. Being human can be hard. Shifting your mindset can be hard. Changing your circumstances can be hard. Letting yourself actually pause, check in with your body and name the emotion you are feeling, and letting it be there without trying to fix it can be hard. 

But it does give you some options when you aren’t loving your current experience.

There’s also nothing wrong with intentionally choosing not to do any of that. There is no right or perfect way to human.

You are allowed to stay mad. Or sad. Or angry. Or cranky. Or bored. Or resentful. Or disappointed. 

You are allowed to avoid your feelings with Netflix. Or ice cream. Or a nap. Or react to them in the moment in a big way. Or pretend they aren’t there. 

You never have to turn that frown upside down. And sometimes you aren’t going to want to.

But learning how to check in with yourself and intentionally make the choice, even if it’s just every now and then, is so much more empowering than letting the choice be made for you subconsciously by your brain and then beating yourself up about it. 

*This is a modified version of a tool I learned from Stacey Boehman.

A ❤️ note to you: Coaching is a judgment free zone. I have zero opinions on what’s best for you. What you should do. How you should react. How you should feel. What you should be thinking. That’s up to you to decide. You are your own authority. You always have been and always will be. What we do is work on getting crystal clear on what you’re thinking and feeling and how it is causing you to show up or not show up in your life. How you are contributing to your current circumstances and emotional experience. You always get to decide what to do from there. But it’s hard to make those decisions until you know what is happening in your brain and your body and how that is impacting your life. If you’re interested in hearing more, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.