Watching women weaponize gratitude against themselves.

Yesterday, I talked about one of the more common reasons for this in connection with the example of taking time off – that 1️⃣ you don’t fully believe whatever it is you say you logically understand (i.e., that you can take time off).

Let’s keep exploring that example along with the other two most common reasons:

Yesterday, I told you the three most common reasons for this: 1️⃣ you don’t actually fully believe whatever it is, 2️⃣ you don’t want to feel negative emotion, and 3️⃣ you are worried about the potential consequences.

Now what do you do about them?

🤔 Ever find yourself saying, "I know I should do X, but I just can't"? Or “Intellectually, I know A, but I still feel B”?

Let’s talk about what to do about it.

A necessary reminder.

You can complete a project by dropping it.

Negative feedback can be hard to hear. No doubt about it. 

This week I’ve been talking about how to deal with negative feedback without spinning out about it. 

Here’s the final and MOST important tip.

Feedback: it's not about what they said; it's about what you can learn.

Feeling defensive or ashamed about feedback? Time for a mindset shift.

Yesterday, I gave you the first two steps for dealing with negative feedback - without the spin out: (1) don’t rush to react; and (2) get curious about your reaction to the feedback. Here’s the next:

This week I’m talking about how to deal with negative feedback - without the spinout. Yesterday I told you what the solution wasn’t.

So what is the solution then? 

Change how you think about and process feedback. 

This week I’m talking about how not to spin out about negative feedback. 

Before we get there, let’s talk about what the solution isn’t. 

As a high achieving woman lawyer, you probably dread negative or critical feedback. Even if it could be construed as constructive. (Anything less than glowing is automatically “negative.”)

The human brain seeks pleasure and avoids pain. 

But negative emotions are part of life. Unavoidable. Necessary even. 

What feelings are you afraid of feeling? 

If I had seen this quote about six years ago, I’d have vehemently disagreed.

“But I’m anxious all the time. How is that possible? I wouldn’t choose this!”

Hold up 10 fingers.

Put one down for each statement that resonates with you.

I love to learn. I’m good at it.

I bet you feel the same way. High-achieving women often do.

You don’t need permission.

For whatever it is you think you need permission for.

Hey newer lawyers! I hear you telling yourself this over and over:

“I should be better.”

“I should be faster.”

“I should know how to do this.”

“I should have done that differently.”

“I shouldn’t have made that mistake.”

Resting is hard for some people. Especially high-achievers.

You don’t always have to do the hard thing.