Dealing with Negative Feedback - Part 1

This week I’m talking about how not to spin out about negative feedback. 

Before we get there, let’s talk about what the solution isn’t. 

The solution isn’t to never make another mistake so that no one can ever criticize you. Or to be so perfect that no one dislikes the way you work. 

You will always make mistakes. You will never become so good at something that no one will criticize you. Everyone isn’t going to love you no matter how good you are. 

And if you have a perfectionist brain, your brain will never let you believe you are good enough anyways. (Unless we fix that mindset intentionally.)

The solution also isn’t to beat yourself up in response to the feedback. 

You haven’t gotten where you are by criticizing yourself, shaming yourself, or beating yourself up. If that’s your go to, you’ve gotten where you are despite that. 

Because, in reality, beating yourself up actually makes the situation worse. 

Let’s look at an example. 

You have your review. 

One person says you could manage your time better. 

You tell yourself you’re terrible at your job because you don’t know how to manage your time. 

That makes you feel ashamed. 

When you are ashamed, you spin out about the review. Ruminate about how you are terrible at your job. Talk to your friends about how bad the review was and try to get them to convince you that you aren’t terrible at your job. You try to avoid feeling ashamed by distracting yourself with food, social media, TV. 

The result? 

You aren’t managing your time well!

You prove the negative thought true. And the reviewer right. Even if you are in reality pretty darn good at managing your time when you aren’t being an asshat to yourself. 

And sometimes your reviewer will be right - at least in whole or in part! Or at least they will give you something you do want to try and work on. 

Trying to accept feedback or make change from a place of self-judgment and self-flagellation is rarely effective, and it doesn’t feel good. In fact, you can’t even make a clear decision about what to change or whether to change anything at all. 

If you’re saying to yourself “but I don’t know how NOT to do that” - stick around. More to come this week.  

A ♥️ note to you: Learning how not to take feedback so personally will be a total game changer for you. Not only will you not avoid it - you might actually seek it out. Feedback can be a gift—one that really helps you move your career forward and become amazing at your job—but only if you can receive it in a way that serves you. I can help you get there. To get started, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.