Do you find resting hard?

Resting is hard for some people. Especially high-achievers.

That’s why most women lawyers don’t do it more often. Or ever. Or until they are forced to. Hello, burnout!

Not because you don’t see the value. You logically understand there’s value in resting. In slowing down. But you don’t or you can’t because when you try it doesn’t actually feel restful.

It feels awful.

Here’s what I often see happening with high-achievers:

FIRST, you believe (a) rest has to be earned, (b) the more productive you are the better human being you are, and/or (c) you are lazy. Likely all of these. (They may not sound like this in your head - they may sound like “I have too much to do.” Or “I haven’t gotten enough done.” Or “Let me just finish a few more things.” Or “I shouldn’t need to rest, I’ve barely done anything.” Or “I’m being selfish.” Or “This is a waste of time.”)

Not only are none of these beliefs true facts – they are just a byproduct of lifelong productivity socialization – but I’d put money on the fact that you don’t have a clear definition of what it looks like to have done enough to earn rest or how much you have to do before you are allowed to think you are worthy. So your brain is always moving the goal post.

SECOND, you believe or expect rest to come from the activities that you do (e.g., napping, reading, etc.) or don’t do (e.g., working).

But rest isn’t as much about what your body is doing or not doing. It’s about what your brain is doing.

You’ve got a lot of thoughts. And those thoughts lead to a lot of guilt, anxiety, and overwhelm. Those thoughts and feelings likely stem, at least in part, from that productivity socialization.

Even if you’re doing all the right things - setting boundaries with your work hours, turning off your notifications, not looking at your phone, scheduling in time for you to do things you enjoy… If you can’t stop thinking about work or you can’t stop feeling guilty, anxious, or overwhelmed when you’re trying to rest or relax, then it won’t be restful or relaxing.

And when resting doesn’t feel good because you can’t turn your brain off, you’re more likely to decide it isn’t worth it.

So of course you don’t do it! Who could blame you?

But resting is a skill that can be learned. Part of that learning process requires undoing the productivity mindset we are all indoctrinated with our entire lives and examining, uncovering, and shifting your other beliefs and thought patterns that are making rest so ineffective.

A ♥️ note to you: If you’re ready to start learning how to rest - if you’re ready to become a master at resting - I’m ready to help! I’m a master rester, and I used to be a master overworker. Send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free exploratory call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult. We will talk about your pain points - exactly what it is your brain is doing that is keeping you from resting more - and come up with a plan for how coaching can help address them.