Women and Weaponized Gratitude
Something that annoys the shirt out of me? Watching women weaponize gratitude against themselves.
What does that look like?
Thoughts like:
“I should be more grateful.”
“I have it better than other people, so I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“I don’t want to be ungrateful.”
You can be grateful for something and still want more. You can still want something or some things to be different. You can still want a bigger and better life.
That doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you human.
You can also be grateful for something and still have negative thoughts and feelings both in general AND about the very thing you are grateful for.
That doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you human.
You also don’t actually HAVE to be grateful for everything or anything at all. It isn’t a requirement. It isn’t a moral failing if you aren't grateful for something. You’re just human. Sometimes we can’t access gratitude. And sometimes we don’t want to. Sometimes it doesn’t actually serve us.
When you tell yourself you should be more grateful or that you shouldn’t think or feel a certain way because you have it really good or better than some people or that you aren’t being grateful when you should be, that creates shame or guilt.
That shame and guilt actually prevent you from being grateful if gratitude is actually what you want.
That shame and guilt also prevent you from creating the change you want. From moving towards the bigger and better life that you want. They keep you stagnant.
I am all for gratitude.
Practice it any chance you get.
It can absolutely make your life better.
But please stop using it against yourself. Otherwise you aren’t actually getting any benefit from it. It’s detrimental to you and the life you want to create.
Start by acknowledging that gratitude can coexist with wanting things to be different or better. Start by acknowledging that gratitude can coexist with negative thoughts and feelings.
And stop judging yourself for whether you are grateful enough. There is no objective measurement for how much gratitude is the right amount of gratitude.
What are you grateful for? What do you still want more of? What do you still want to be different or better? How can that gratitude and those wants coexist?
A ❤️ note to you: People socialized as women and people with other historically marginalized identities have often been socialized to believe that they should be grateful for everything that has been “given” to them. That socialization is intended to keep you small. The goal is for you to use that gratitude against yourself and not ask for or want more. Learning how to let gratitude coexist with creating your biggest, best, and boldest life is a radical act. To get started creating that life, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
