Avoiding Guilt at All Costs

Guilt comes up all the time in my conversations with women about why their life doesn’t look or feel the way they want it to. 

What I’ve found is that guilt is one of the emotions that we hate to feel the most. And so we get in the habit of avoiding it at all costs by avoiding doing or even thinking about doing anything that would make us feel guilty. 

But it isn’t the things that make us feel guilty. It’s our thoughts about the things. 

Thoughts that come in large part from all the socialization women get that their value is in how much they do, especially how much they do for others, and what other people think about them. Socialization that we are never enough, but also too much. That it is our job to make other people comfortable and to put them above ourselves. That we must be productive all the time to be worthy humans.

That guilt is not actually yours. It was given to you. You were taught (incorrectly) that you should feel guilt for pretty much everything you do. 

And that guilt doesn’t actually mean you did something wrong. You were taught (incorrectly) that it does.

And avoiding that guilt rarely serves you. It wasn’t meant to.

Refusing to move towards that feeling often means you are sacrificing yourself, your wants, your needs, and your desires for someone or something else. 

And that might be fine sometimes. 

Sometimes we are going to choose to do that intentionally because we like our reasons.

But right now, the decisions you are making to move away from guilt are likely not intentional. 

They are a result of that deep programming in your head that you should feel guilty, and your brain’s desire to avoid the discomfort of guilt.

What if you started moving intentionally towards the guilt that serves you and the life you want? What if you spent a few weeks just practicing feeling guilty?

What would change?

A ❤️ note to you: If moving towards guilt sounds scary or impossible or you just don’t know how, I can help. There’s so much socialization that women get that leads to them shrinking themselves. It can be hard to see on your own how that socialization is impacting the way you show up in the world. Let me help you uncover the rules you’ve been following that you don’t actually have to follow - and burn them to the ground. Send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me to get started at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.