Resentment and envy are messages.
When you feel resentment or envy, your brain is usually telling you that there is something you want that you don’t have (yet).
What is it?
Why aren’t you creating it for yourself? What’s holding you back?
Most likely, it’s one of two things (or both).
Either (a) you believe that it isn’t possible for you or that you don’t know how to create it and/or (b) you know it will be uncomfortable to create a life where you have the thing that you want.
If you are in the first category, start getting curious. Don’t accept your brain’s initial assessment that you can’t have what you want or that you don’t know how to get what you want.
What if you could have it? What would that look like? How would you get there? What if you did know how to make it happen? What’s your best guess as to how you would do it? What evidence can you find that it is possible for you to have that thing?
If you’re in the second category, consider this: what has to change for you to have or create what you want? What are you afraid will happen if those things change?
Most importantly, what will you have to feel if you make the change? What does your brain think it is protecting you from feeling?
That’s the discomfort that is holding you back. Being unwilling to feel those things.
But resentment and envy are already uncomfortable. So is living a life you are just tolerating. And it is totally normal to choose (usually unconsciously) the discomfort of staying where you are. It’s “safe” in the sense that it is the brain’s job is to keep you alive and stop you from doing anything that it (usually incorrectly) perceives as threatening the status quo.
And you have practiced that discomfort (the discomfort of not having what you want) for so long it feels comfortable. But you can change that.
First, recognize that discomfort (the type that moves you forward) is a good thing.
You are feeling it on purpose.
Discomfort is exciting!
Ok, ok - maybe this is a stretch right now, but maybe you can start building the belief that it’s possible the discomfort isn’t a bad thing, and you can handle it.
Second, move towards the discomfort in small steps. What is one slightly uncomfortable thing you can do right now to move you towards the thing you think is missing?
When we think about all of the discomfort at once, we can get overwhelmed and avoid any discomfort. If you move towards it in small steps, you are not only moving towards the thing you want, but also building your capacity to handle the discomfort overtime.
A ❤️ note to you: It can feel overwhelming to do this on your own. That’s exactly what I’m here for. To help you build a career and a life that you want. To hold space for your lack of belief while believing 100% that it’s possible for you. To help you get unstuck. To help you find clarity. To help you acknowledge your humanness along the way. To hear more, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
