All Lawyers Make Mistakes

Mistakes can either add to your confidence or detract from it. 

The difference is in the way you talk to yourself about them.

“I made a mistake” versus “I’m an idiot.”

“I can see how that happened - how I can prevent it from happening again?” versus “I can’t believe I did that.”

“All humans make mistakes” versus “I always mess things up.”

“I can do better next time” versus “I’m never going to get better at this.” 

“I didn’t meet my own expectations” versus “I’m so stupid.”

The first of each of these examples are more likely to lead to resilience and growth and more confidence and self-trust. The second of each of these examples are likely to result in you creating (a) an unrealistic expectation of perfection for yourself and the need for exhausting hypervigilance and (b) an unsafe space in your head to be human. The latter can actually make you more likely to make mistakes because you are so hyperfocused on not repeating past mistakes that your brain can’t fully look for other places where you might need to catch or prevent a mistake. 

And if your tendency is to beat yourself up each time, it becomes a pretty crappy Catch 22. 

Try this the next time you make a mistake: 

Instead of “I am X” or “I always X” or “I’m so X for doing that” → just state the actual facts of what happened. With no added characterization.

1️⃣ I [insert what you did or didn’t do].

Then state what you will do differently in the future. 

2️⃣ In the future, I will [insert solution].

You’re probably still not going to feel amazing. That’s okay. Even 5%, 10%, or 15% better is worth your time. Because you’re going to show up different when you feel different.

The goal is to create a long term habit of treating yourself in a way that has you showing up in the world in the way that you want and that changes your emotional experience to one that serves you.

If you’re used to beating yourself up, this takes some practice. But the payoff is worth the effort.

A ♥️ note to you: If you want to be more confident, more calm, and more resilient, I can help. Send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) that says CONFIDENT, and I’ll tell you how we will get it done!