Worried About What Other People Are Thinking About You?

Things to keep in mind when you’re worried or ruminating about what someone else thinks about you:

1️⃣ People aren’t thinking about you as much as you think.

Think about how often you’re thinking of yourself or just trying to make it through the day, thinking about the task in front of you and what else you have to do. And even when you’re thinking about other people, you’re often thinking about what they are thinking about YOU. The same goes for other people.

2️⃣ Whatever thought they have about you, whatever emotion they have, is temporary.

It doesn’t encompass their full emotional experience with respect to you. Emotions, including disappointment and annoyance, are fleeting. The second they have another thought about you or anything else, they have a new emotion. We never have one singular experience of another human being.

3️⃣ Remember the liking gap and the spotlight effect.

Studies have found that most people underestimate how much other people like them and enjoy their company and overestimate how much others notice aspects of their appearance or behavior.

4️⃣ Your brain looks for evidence of things it already believes, and it tries to create patterns.

If you think someone has a negative thought about you or has some feelings about something you did, your brain looks for evidence to confirm that belief. If you’re used to worrying about or believing that people don’t like you or are upset for you, your brain looks for the same pattern everywhere. Even if it isn’t there.

5️⃣ Unless they’ve told you, you don’t actually know what they are thinking.

And your guess is based on YOUR perception. Made through the lens of your fears and insecurities. Your socialization. Your beliefs. Your tendencies. Not theirs. There is a high likelihood that you are wrong in whole or at least in part.

6️⃣ Your brain evolved from people who would die if they were kicked out of their tribe or group. So of course your brain freaks out if you think someone thinks something negative about you. But not because you’re actually in danger. Your brain is just confused and needs a reminder that you are safe.

Women are socialized to believe that other people’s opinions are what matter. That other people’s opinions dictate their value as a human being. That other people’s opinions have some bearing on or provide some insight to their essential being.

None of that is true.

And as long as you believe it is, you’re going to keep outsourcing your worth to other people.

A❤️ note to you: If you worry more than you’d like about what people think, congrats! You’re human. But worrying about what other people think, replaying conversations and events over and over in your mind, isn’t serving you. I help people care less about what others think and more about what they think. If you’re interested in learning how to do that, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free consult at  www.jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.