Resentment and Envy
Resentment and envy have something to say.
I always pay attention to those emotions when I’m feeling them.
What I’ve found is that when we feel them, our brain is signaling that there's something we desire but haven’t achieved it or don’t have it (yet).
What is it?
Why hasn’t it happened? What’s standing in your way?
Chances are, it’s one of two things (or both).
Either (a) you believe it’s impossible for you or don’t know how to create it, and/or (b) you anticipate (and therefore avoid) the discomfort in creating a life where you have what you want.
If you’re in the first camp, get curious. Don’t just accept your brain’s first assessment that you can’t have or create what you want.
What if you could have it? What would that look like? How would you get there? What would need to change? What if you did know how to make it happen? What’s your best guess at how you’d do it? What evidence can you find that it’s possible for you?
If you’re in the second camp, think about this: What feelings are you getting to avoid by not going after what you want? What does your brain think it’s protecting you from? That’s the discomfort holding you back. The unwillingness to feel and experience those things.
I like to remind myself that resentment and envy are uncomfortable. So is living a life you’re merely tolerating. It’s natural to choose (often unconsciously) the discomfort of the familiar. It feels “safe” because your brain’s job is to keep you alive and avoid perceived threats to the status quo.
And you’ve practiced the discomfort of not having what you want for so long that it feels normal. But you can change that.
First, recognize that discomfort (the kind that propels you forward) is beneficial.
You’re feeling it on purpose.
Discomfort is invigorating!
Okay, okay – maybe that’s a stretch right now, but start believing that discomfort isn’t necessarily bad and that you can handle it.
Second, move towards the discomfort in small steps. What’s one slightly uncomfortable thing you can do right now to move closer to what’s missing?
Thinking about all the discomfort at once can be overwhelming and lead to avoidance. By taking small steps, you not only move towards your goal but also build your capacity to handle discomfort over time.
A ❤️ note to you: It can feel overwhelming to do this alone. That’s exactly what I’m here for. To help you build the career and life you want. To hold space for your lack of belief while believing 100% in your potential. To help you get unstuck. To help you find clarity. To help you embrace your humanness along the way. To hear more, send me a DM or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
