Comparison

Comparison is a joy killer. And a block to growth and change.

But it doesn’t have to be. If you stop using it against yourself.

It’s natural human behavior to compare yourself to others and to past or future versions of yourself.

It’s not the comparison itself that’s a problem. It’s how you are using the comparison.

Your brain looks for the evidence you tell it to look for. Even if you aren’t aware of what you’re telling it to look for.

If you’re anything like most of the women I know, you are likely using comparison for one purpose only, even if subconsciously: to figure out where you are “lacking.”

And when that’s what you look for, that’s what you will find.

But not because you are actually lacking. Not because you aren’t [insert adjective here] enough.

Instead, it’s because you already have a regularly scheduled program running in your head that is telling you that you are lacking. That you aren’t good enough. That something is wrong with you.

So when you compare, your brain is myopically focused on finding evidence that supports those beliefs that you already hold to be true.

That’s true whether you are comparing yourself to someone’s social media highlight reel.

Or your current self to some past version of you that you thought was “better.”

Or your current self to some future version of yourself that is “better” in some way.

This type of comparison leads to feelings of shame. Disappointment. Dejection. Defeat. Sadness. Resentment. Envy.

All emotions that end up leading you to exactly where you are now. Or, even worse, moving farther away from the life you want.

Comparison can be used to your benefit.

When you’re comparing yourself to future or past versions of yourself, it can allow you to understand where you are, how you got there, where you want to be, and how to get there.

When you’re comparing yourself to others, it can allow you to see what’s possible for you. It can show you what you don’t want. It can help you see the best way to get what you want. 

So you don’t need to stop comparing.

Instead, you need to work on your beliefs about yourself.

Who you currently are.

What’s possible for you.

Who you have the capacity to become.

How worthy you are. (The answer here is completely worthy. Right now. In this very moment - and every past moment and every future moment).

What you should or shouldn’t do.

As those beliefs change for the better, so will the thoughts and emotions you have when you are in comparison mode.

Are you using comparison to your detriment or your benefit?

A ❤️ note to you:

If you find yourself constantly in compare and despair mode, it’s completely normal. Your brain doesn’t do this intentionally to make you feel crappy. Confirmation bias is supposed to be a helpful shortcut. A cognitive strategy that allows you to filter out unnecessary information and to find evidence that supports your current belief.  The problem is that your current beliefs about yourself are crappy. So the brain finds crappy evidence to support that crappy belief.

Learning to use comparison for your own benefit is a skill that you can learn. One that requires you to start shifting your beliefs about yourself. Those beliefs are often so deep-seated, we don’t even realize what they are, much less that they are optional.

That’s where I can help you. We will uncover them, figure out where they are holding you back, and start shifting them together. If you’re interested, let’s talk about my 1:1 coaching program - you can schedule a free call at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.