Perfectionism + Overachieving
Perfectionism + overachieving = an untenable combo.
Perfectionists constantly want to be and think they should be better or different than they are. Because they think it will make them feel better.
They’ve (incorrectly) tied their value as a human being and their emotional experience to becoming this ever changing and just out of reach “better” version of themselves.
Overachievers often go above and beyond without questioning whether they actually want to or whether it actually serves them.
They’ve (incorrectly) tied their value as a human being and their current emotional experience to how much they do and what external measures of success they achieve.
The problem is that perfectionism is often more about NOT doing things IMperfectly (because of the way you’re going to talk to yourself when you are human and don’t do something perfectly) than it is about doing them perfectly.
Which leads to a lot of avoidance.
So on the one hand, you avoid things because you don’t like the way it feels when you don’t do them “right” or when you can’t be “the best” or when you can’t do “the most.”
On the other hand, your self-worth is wrapped up in how much you do, what you are achieving, and whether you’ve reached that next goal or next version of you.
So to feel good, you need to be doing more and doing it well. And you can’t always be doing it more or doing it well, especially if you are avoiding doing things imperfectly. So you just feel like crap.
Yikes.
There’s no winning that game.
The good news is that the game and all of the rules are all made up.
Which means you can change them any time you want. Or throw them out all together.
A ❤️ note to you: This is the work my clients and I do together. My clients learn how to validate themselves. How to stop allowing what other people think to impact their decisions and how they live their lives. How to love the current version of themselves. How to decide when they actually want to overachieve and when they don’t. How to stop avoiding doing things they want to do because they are afraid they will fail or won’t do them well enough. That’s available to you too. Schedule a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
