Making more intentional choices.
Everything we do involves making choices.
When we don’t make our own choices, we let other people make our choices for us. Or a past version of ourselves or an unintentional version of ourselves. Or our socialization. Or the universe.
You may not like your choices. You may not like the trade offs that come with making them. And some people unarguably have tougher choices or less palatable choices than others.
And sometimes the only choice you might have is how you choose to think about, feel about, and show up in a given situation.
But the choice is still yours and yours alone, unless you choose to give that power away. Unless you forfeit your right to decide.
Some great indicators that you are forfeiting your choice from one of my favorite books, Essentialism by Greg McKeown:
“I should”
“I have to”
“I can’t”
“I can do both” or “I can do it all”
He offers the following instead:
“I choose to”
“I want to spend my time doing”
“What is the trade-off I want to make?”
“What can I go big on?”
If you tend to people please, you are probably used to giving away or ignoring your agency.
It’s your default.
And it can be uncomfortable to start exercising your own agency.
Try this.
Take stock of what you are choosing.
What is one thing you are unintentionally choosing right now?
Or one place where you are giving your agency to someone or something else?
What do you want to choose instead?
Why?
What are you going to have to allow yourself to feel?
Guilt? Overwhelm? Anxiety? Shame?
Try making that choice for one week.
Let the emotion exist but remind yourself that nothing has gone wrong.
It’s just a negative emotion.
Don’t ignore the trade offs.
They exist.
There’s always a trade off when you say yes to something and no to something else.
And that’s okay.
Acknowledge it.
But remind yourself that you are choosing that trade off.
Let me know how it goes.
A ❤️ note for you: If you are tired of giving your choice away to other people and things, I can help you stop. It can be really uncomfortable at first. But it gets easier. And it helps to have someone work though that discomfort with you. Someone to help you recognize where you are allowing other people to choose for you and come up with a plan for how to make your own choices. I can help you learn how to be a more intentional version of yourself. Just send me an email or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
