You Don’t Have To
You don’t have to.
You do not *have* to attend that event at work or that family function.
You do not *have* to say “yes” to that project, that case, that client, or that assignment, that favor for a friend, or that request from your child’s teacher.
You do not *have* to check your emails or log back on at night.
Of course, there may be a trade off for not doing something.
But you are ultimately making a choice (even if your choice is not deciding) because you are the only one that has true agency over how you spend your time.
The reason we feel compelled to do or not do something is because we are moving towards or away from some negative emotion that we do not want to feel.
Typically, when you are doing something that you are telling yourself you “have” to do, you are moving away from guilt, embarrassment, anxiety, or shame. (And likely moving towards an emotion that you’ve become really good at tolerating, like resentment, annoyance, or resignation).
But you get to decide how you feel about the choices you make and about the results of those choices.
It starts by challenging the notion that you “have” to do anything.
First, recognize when you think there is something you “have” to do.
Second, ask yourself why you are choosing to believe you don’t have any agency in this situation?
What are you worried will happen if you say yes? If you say no?
MOST IMPORTANTLY, what are you afraid you will feel?
Take the first and most important step of becoming aware of your thoughts and how they make you feel.
So you can make sure you like the reasons for the choices you are making. So you can make your choices intentionally.
Awareness precedes intentional choice, and intentional choice precedes real change.
Learning that you have full agency over how you spend your time and your perception of how you choose to spend your time is a powerful gift that only you can give yourself.
A ♥️ note to you: Often we can’t see or understand why we do the things we do. We think it is required. Or it just is who we are. None of that is true. Having an objective sounding board, like a coach, is a great way to create mindblowing awareness around the way you are showing up in the world. If you want to start making more intentional choices, I can help. Just send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) letting me know you’re ready to start changing your life.
