Is “no” on the table for you?

Although I don't plan to do them ever again in my life, I used to love trials. And summary judgment. And busy deposition periods.

My love for them was two fold.

First, I really loved the work. It was interesting. It was fun. It was the most collaborative part of the job. 

Second, I loved them because it was the only time I thought I had a good enough excuse to say “no” to other things. To projects with people I didn't like to work with, to extracurricular things that didn't serve me, to things that would have me canceling plans or push me even further towards far exceeding my billable hours requirement, to work that lessened my ability to rest. 

It took me longer than I would have liked to learn that I always had the option of saying “no.” Regardless of the reason.

I just never chose it. 

Because I didn’t think it could. 

Because it was too uncomfortable to say no.

Because I didn’t want to disappoint someone. 

Because I didn’t like what I thought they might think of me. 

Because I thought it meant it I couldn’t hack it.

Because I thought I had to have a good enough excuse, and there was almost nothing that was good enough except me being so underwater I wasn’t sure how long I could survive. 

“No” is always an option. 

But if your baseline assumption is that it isn’t, then “yes” is the only thing that's on the table. 

And that isn’t going to serve you in the long run. It’s the path to burnout, exhaustion, resentment, cynicism, and hopelessness.

That’s not to say there aren’t trade-offs you have to consider when thinking about whether something is a yes, a no, a not right now, or something else. 

But if you just assume that “no” is always an option, then you can actually intentionally decide what your answer is, whether you like your reasons, and how/if you want to communicate it. 

A ❤️ note to you: If saying “no” feels so hard that you just never do it, I can help you change that. To learn how to say “no” to the things that don’t serve you. That you don’t want or don’t want to do. Which allows you to create a whole different life for yourself. One that you love. Send me an email or signup for a call at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.