I used to think my anxiety was bad.

Not just that it felt bad or that I experienced a lot of it. Both of which were true.

 But that it was in fact bad. And so was I. It was a problem that I experienced it all. And useless. And disruptive. And it meant something about me as a person that I was anxious so much. And I should be able to handle it better. None of which made me feel less anxious.

Don’t get me wrong -- I still don’t LOVE having anxiety. And I do still experience it. I’m a human (at least I’m 99% sure I am). And it’s a go-to emotion for me. 

But I don’t label it as bad anymore. I don’t make it a problem. I don’t make it mean something is wrong with me. 

It just exists. As a set of physical sensations in my body. 

And solely because of that shift, I started experiencing far less of it than I used to. And I am able to tend to it and myself so much better. 

Emotions aren’t good or bad. 

They are just data. 

Your brain and body’s way of communicating something to you. 

That’s not to say all emotions *feel* good. 

They don’t. Some are very uncomfortable. 

But instead of labeling them or you as bad or a problem, ask yourself what your brain and body are trying to tell you. 

Try this: Take the feeling, let it be there, and examine it. 

What’s the context in which it showed up? What is it trying to communicate? 

“I’m feeling unsafe.” 

“I’m lacking control [or certainty].” 

“I stand to lose something here.”

“I’m afraid I’ve done something wrong or that I’m going to upset someone.”

“I wish I had done something differently.”

Once you know what you are thinking - decide how you can take care of yourself. 

That might look like just sitting with the feeling and processing it. Dropping into your body, noticing physical sensations, and reminding yourself that’s all they are - physical sensations. 

It might look like debunking the thought. How are you safe? What is certain? What can you control? How do you want to feel instead, and what can you think to create that feeling? How is the thought not true? What do I need in this moment? 

It might look like physical movement. Taking a walk. Stretching. Going for a run.

It might look like a nap. Or a cry. Or a snack. 

Our tendency, instead, is to:

-ignore the emotion; 

-react to the emotion or try to act your way out of it; or

-distract yourself from it.

None of those things actually help. They either make your brain get louder (because it doesn’t think you are listening to the message it is sending) or result in you taking action or inaction that you don’t like or that doesn’t benefit you in the long run.

You create your own emotional experience, and you have so much more control over it than you think. Including how prolonged your negative emotions are. 

 Your negative emotions are just data. Nothing more. Take the data and decide how to best care for yourself at this moment. 

A ❤️ note to you: If you feel like your negative emotions just happen to you and you have no control over them, that’s because that is what you were taught. Same thing if you think your negative emotions are a problem and mean something about you as a human being. If you want to learn how to start feeling better now, send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult, and I’ll tell you how we can make that happen.