One of the most useless things we can tell ourselves about work?
“I feel so behind” or any version of that.
First, behind isn’t a feeling. What you actually feel is probably overwhelm or anxiety. Or maybe you feel deflated or defeated.
BECAUSE you are telling yourself you’re behind. Not because you actually are.
When you talk about it in terms of “behind” as an emotion, it makes it feel like it is a fact. And an important one. An unchangeable thing that is just happening to you. It isn’t.
Being “behind” is an optional thought.
Often, we don’t even have a clear idea of what it means. We are just so used to saying it to ourselves. If we actually stopped to ask ourselves, “How so?” Or “Behind how?,” we won’t have an answer.
Because feeling “behind” is just a side effect of all of the unhelpful productivity socialization we’ve gotten. You know the kind that makes you always believe you “should” have done more than you have no matter how much you did. The kind that ties our self-worth to some amorphous standard of having gotten “enough” done that we can’t ever meet. The kind that has us overworking and underresting.
Sometimes we do have a good idea of where we wanted to be or what we wanted to have done, and we haven’t met it.
In that scenario, we are typically “behind” in the sense that we created a very unrealistic to-do list or goals for ourselves that we couldn’t have completed even if things had gone perfectly, that ignored the fact that the unexpected always comes up, and that allowed for no space or time to be a human being. See supra on productivity socialization.
Either way, you don’t have to tell yourself that you are behind. That’s the problem. Not how much you have or haven’t done.
In fact, you can choose to believe that “behind” isn’t a thing. That you’re always exactly where you should be.
If the latter seems like a stretch, I get it. It can take some time to get there. (But you can. I used to tell myself I was or felt behind ALL. THE. TIME. I can’t remember the last time I thought it.).
A few things to start trying:
When your brain tells you that you “feel” behind, drop into your body and name the actual emotion you are feeling. Research shows that the simple act of naming your emotions can calm your nervous system down.
Acknowledge the thought AND that it is a thought. “There goes my brain again - offering me the thought that I’m ‘behind.’ That’s just my productivity socialization talking.”
Ask yourself this question: “How is that not true?” Run through the list of things you have actually already gotten done that day or that week.
A ❤️ note to you: Our productivity socialization runs deep. The programming is so deep, your brain runs it on autopilot all the time. The thoughts sound legitimate in your head, and they are externally reinforced all the time. But they aren’t legitimate and can be unraveled. If you want to start feeling better about your schedule, I can help. If you want to stop overworking, I can help. If you want to stop feeling so anxious or overwhelmed at work, I can help. Work can feel less stressful and more calm. Send me an email or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult, and I can show you how.
