Why Self-Advocacy Feels Hard.
Most women will come to a point in their career where putting their head down and working hard just isn’t enough any more.
Where self-advocacy becomes necessary or important for you to get what you want.
Or at the very least, to know where you stand, so you can decide what to do next. Leave. Stay, try something different, and then ask again.
“You don’t get what you don’t ask for” is an adage for a reason.
So why aren’t you asking for what you want? Why aren’t you regularly advocating for and selling people on you and your knowledge, skills, and abilities?
My guess? Because even the idea of it feels super uncomfortable.
Women get so much socialization that leads to that discomfort.
Socialization that:
🔹has us relying on and deferring to the authority and opinions of others
🔹teaches us that we must be nice, accommodating, and humble above all else
🔹reinforces the belief that we are not good enough or smart enough or worthy enough
🔹makes us think it is greedy or immoral or unseemly to ask for what we want
🔹leads us to believe that hard work and our time is all we have to offer
None of it is true. But it feels very true.
And we work in places where others have received the same socialization about women that we have received. So it regularly gets reinforced.
We also face very real discrimination, bias, and obstacles at every level. Women do not get promoted at the same rates as men. Women hold far less leadership positions than men. The authority gap exists. The gender wage gap exists.
And the more marginalized identities you have, there’s likely more you have to deal with both in terms of your socialization and the discrimination, bias, and obstacles you face, including in response to your efforts to advocate for yourself.
But it’s still a YES, AND proposition.
YES, the system wasn’t built for and doesn’t work for many of us in many ways, AND:
🔹We can still decide how we show up for ourselves and to have our own backs in whatever way that looks like for us
🔹We can still do incredible things, reach the highest levels in our field, have fulfilling careers and lives, and make a ton of money
🔹We can stop buying into what we’ve been taught about what we can achieve, what we are worthy of, what we are allowed to do, and what is possible for us
For you, that might look like engaging in more self-advocacy. Only you know what’s right for you.
But given the above, it makes perfect sense that advocating for yourself feels hard. Or scary. Or futile That you don’t even consider it an option.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t do it in a way that makes sense for you.
YES, it is uncomfortable. YES, not everyone is going to like it. YES, it has its risks. AND you get to decide whether you’re going to do it anyway because it ultimately serves you better than not doing it.
🔹Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing some ways you can start stretching your comfort level for self-advocating.🔹
A ❤️ note to you: One great way to work on your self-advocacy? Work with me. I can help you both experience less discomfort and take action despite your discomfort. Send me an email or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult to get started.
