Why You Struggle to Rest

Resting is hard for some people. Especially high-achievers. (Ahem. That’s you.)

That’s why most women lawyers don’t do it more often. Or ever. Or until they are forced to. Hello, burnout!

Not because you don’t see the value.

You logically understand there’s value in resting. In slowing down.

But you don’t, or you can’t, because it doesn’t actually feel restful when you try.

It feels awful.

Here’s what I see happening:

FIRST, you believe (a) rest has to be earned, (b) the more productive you are, the better the human being you are, or (c) you are lazy. Likely all of these. (They may not sound like this in your head - they may sound like “I have too much to do.” Or “I haven’t gotten enough done.” Or “Let me just finish a few more things.” Or “I shouldn’t need to rest, I’ve barely done anything.” Or “I’m being selfish.” Or “This is a waste of time.”)

Not only are none of these beliefs are facts – they are just a byproduct of lifelong productivity socialization – but I’d put money on the fact that you don’t have a clear definition of what it looks like to have done enough to earn rest or how much you have to do before you are allowed to think you are worthy. So your brain is always moving the goalpost.

SECOND, you believe or expect rest to come from your activities (e.g., napping, reading, etc.) or don’t do (e.g., working).

But rest isn’t as much about what your body is doing or not doing. It’s about what your brain is doing.

And what your brain is doing is thinking. Even more than you realize.

You’ve got so many thoughts about resting and productivity. And those thoughts are constantly playing in the background of your brain, leading to a lot of guilt, anxiety, and overwhelm.

Even if you’re doing all the right things - setting boundaries with your work hours, turning off your notifications, not looking at your phone, scheduling in time for you to do things you enjoy… If you can’t stop thinking about work or you can’t stop feeling guilty, anxious, or overwhelmed when you’re trying to rest or relax, then it won’t be restful or relaxing.

And when resting doesn’t feel good because you can’t turn your brain off, you’re more likely to decide it isn’t worth it.

So, of course, you don’t do it! Who could blame you?

But resting is a skill that can be learned. 

Part of that learning process requires undoing the productivity mindset we are all indoctrinated with our entire lives and examining, uncovering, and shifting your other beliefs and thought patterns that are making rest so ineffective.

Shifting these beliefs starts with awareness. You have to notice the thoughts and stories your brain is telling you about rest and productivity. Then, you can begin to question them: Are they true? Where did they come from? What would it look like to redefine success on your terms? Finally, replacing these old thought patterns with intentional, self-supportive ones—like recognizing that rest is essential, not earned—takes practice. It’s not about flipping a switch; it’s about small, consistent steps that rewire how you think about rest and your worth.

A ❤️ note to you: If you’re ready to get more rested - I’m ready to help! I’m an expert rester, and I used to be an expert overworker, and I help my clients make that same shift. Sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult. We will uncover exactly what your brain is doing that is keeping you from resting more - and come up with a plan for how coaching can help address them.

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