Your discomfort with doing something has no bearing on how good you are at it.

I posted a video about this recently - if you’d like to see the video, go here: https://jenndeal.substack.com/p/your-discomfort-with-doing-something. Or you can read the transcript below.

I was talking to a client recently about a thought error that she had, and it's one that I see it a lot of my clients, so I wanted to share with you. 

What she was doing was she was mistaking her level of comfort with an activity with how good she was at that activity. 

She insisted she was not good at this thing at work that she was trying to do. Very authoritative, like it was a true fact about the world. 

And so I asked her why? Why do you think you're not good at this? 

And her response was, it's really uncomfortable. 

Wait, wait! Hold up a minute. The fact that you are uncomfortable doing something has zero bearing on whether you are “good” at that thing (whatever that means). What's happening instead is that it's the thought, “I'm not good at this” that is creating the discomfort or it's the thought “I'm going to fail” or “this isn't a natural fit.” That's what's creating the discomfort. 

The discomfort isn’t evidence that you aren't good enough or that you aren't good at something. It's just evidence that you believe that you are not good at something. 

And here's why this matters: Because it's a really vicious cycle. You tell yourself, “I'm not good at this.” Then you feel uncomfortable when you're doing it, and your brain is like, “Huh, see, that's evidence that we aren't good at it.” When in reality, you're never even looking at how good you are at the thing or deciding what metrics you are even using to decide how good you are at the thing. You’re using the discomfort alone to make that decision.

And so that just keeps feeding this belief that you aren't good enough, and it keeps you from looking at the real problem. And the real problem is that thought: “I'm not good enough.” That's the one that needs to be examined. That probably needs to be debunked, that needs to be shifted to a thought that serves you better. But you're never going to get there because you're so busy telling yourself that with the emotion that you're having, that that high level of discomfort, actually proves that thought true, when that is not the case at all. 

And so next time you notice yourself using your emotions as evidence that a belief is true. And when you stop and I want you to focus on questioning that belief instead your emotions are never evidence that something you're thinking is true. They are simply evidence that you are having that thought. 

A ❤️ note to you: This is the kind of stuff we do in coaching. Fix those thought errors that are having a negative impact on your life. If you want to start feeling more in control over your thoughts, feelings, and actions, sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult. On the call, we will (1) assess where you are now and where you want to be, (2) I’ll tell you how coaching can help get you there, and (3) you’ll decide whether you’re ready to move forward with changing your life.