What are you solving for?
I used to spend a lot of my time trying to solve for the wrong problem. Instead of figuring out how to solve my actual problem, I was focused on “solving for” (i.e., getting rid of) the emotion I was feeling. Doing whatever it took to get away from or avoid feeling anxious or overwhelmed or guilty or embarassed.
This is pretty normal human behavior. Even if it doesn’t serve us in the long run.
Numbing or avoiding it with social media, food, alcohol, Netflix, Reels, cleaning.
Resisting it. Telling ourselves it shouldn’t be there.
Reacting to it. Snapping when we are annoyed. Working when we are anxious. Complaining when we are feeling slighted. Hiding when we are feeling ashamed.
None of that solves the actual problem: the thing causing the emotion.
If you want to do things differently - with more intentionality - the starting place is curiosity. What’s causing the emotion you’re trying to solve for? It’s never the thing or situation itself. It’s the way you are thinking about it.
Then, you can do one or more of the following:
▫️Change your thoughts.
▫️Allow the emotion to exist without judgment.
▫️Change the circumstance to something that you have better thoughts about.
Sometimes, you aren’t going to be able to change the circumstance. E.g., if something you were looking forward to got canceled, you can’t change that. So you’ll want to work on your mindset about it.
Sometimes, you aren’t going to want to change the emotion or you aren’t going to be able to change the emotion immediately, so you’re going to want to allow the emotion. E.g.,, self-doubt is always going to be present when you are doing new or big things, so you’ll want to be able to keep the self-doubt and do the thing anyways.
Sometimes, it isn’t worth the mental energy to try and change your thoughts and feelings, so you’ll choose to just change the circumstance. E.g., you hate pretty much everything about your job, so you just get a new one.
Only you get to decide what’s best for you in any given situation, and there is no right answer.
A ❤️ note to you: You don’t need a coach for this. Of course you can do this work on your own. You’re smart and capable. But it’s easier with help. And you deserve some ease. Coaching will always get you where you want to go faster. I’m here to be your sounding board and accountability partner. To be objective and ask you powerful questions. To believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. To help you figure out how to create and to start creating the life you want - the one that seems out of reach. To change the way your days feel. To get started, sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult. We will chat about how we can work together to make your life and career feel so much better.
