Decisionmaking Obstacle 3: Fear of Being Judged
We think we care what other people think about us and our decisions.
That’s not usually the real issue…
What we actually care about is whether what they think confirms a negative belief or fear we already have about ourselves and our decision because:
Then WE are going to judge OURSELVES.
The only judgment we ever truly feel is our own. You can’t feel other people’s judgment.
So when you have a decision to make, and you are worried that other people might think:
You’re dumb
You’re going to fail
You’re making the wrong decision
You’re selfish
You’re a quitter
You couldn’t hack it
You’re weak
You’re lazy
You aren’t good enough
You’re going to regret it
It’s often because you already have those thoughts or fears. And you are judging yourself because at least part of you thinks they are true.
Those thoughts—the judgment you are afraid of—can ultimately result in you not making the decision you actually want to make if left unchallenged or if allowed to take the wheel and drive.
Here’s one way to combat this:
1️⃣ Challenge those thoughts - the ones you are worried about.
What are you making their judgment mean about you?
How is it not true?
Even it were true, how is that not a problem? Why is it still worth making the decision you want to make?
What is believing the thought protecting you from? Do you actually need it’s protection? Do you want to keep the thought?
2️⃣ Decide how you want to talk to yourself about yourself and your decision.
What would it look like for you to have your own back here?
What would you say to someone else in this same situation?
What do you know to be true?
3️⃣ Make your decision from that intentional place.
If you knew no one would judge you, what decision would you make?
4️⃣ Expect discomfort to come up and redirect to 2️⃣ when the fear or the judgment comes up.
A ❤️ note to you: Got a big decision you’re facing? Just generally wish you were more decisive? Let’s do something about it. I help my clients learn how to make faster decisions, with less drama, guilt, overwhelm, and anxiety. Schedule a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult to get started.
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