The Perfectionist and the Planning Dopamine Hit

How many times have you come up with a long list of all the things you want to change about your life? 

Change about you?

You’re going to get up earlier. Eat differently. Spend less time on your phone. Work out more. Be more social. Be more productive at work.

You have come up with the right plan this time.

And you will implement that plan.

Starting tomorrow of course. Or maybe the first of next week. Or next month. Whatever the perfect time is (and of course that time isn’t now).

All so that you can finally feel good about yourself. So that life can finally feel good. 

And you swear this time will be different.

You will be different.

Sound familiar? (This was me too for so long). 

Perfectionists love to plan.

The planning is the fun part.

You get a hit of dopamine from the planning.

You create the plan, and you think about how perfect your life will be--how happy you will be--when you just follow the plan.

You put it in your calendar. You make it look pretty. You get the perfect app to track your progress.

And then…

You either don’t start the plan (because if you don’t start, you can’t fail).

Or you start the plan, don’t follow it for a day (because you’re human), and throw it out the window because you didn’t do it perfectly.

Then you beat yourself up for not being perfect.

You create more evidence that you aren’t good enough so that you can continue to tell yourself you aren’t good enough. 

And then you try again and fail. 

Each time, further denting the trust you have in yourself, so that the next time is even harder. 

But…

The planning will not make you love and accept yourself. 

The implementation will not make you love and accept yourself.

Achieving the plan will not make you love and accept yourself.

Because you have bought the lie that you are not enough. So that’s what your brain will always believe.

The key is not another plan. Or a better plan. Or more will power. Or another app or planner.

The key is building your self-acceptance and your self-trust. Your ability to validate yourself. Learning why you want to achieve those plans in the first place and deciding whether you actually like your reasons, and then if you still want to make changes, learning to accept, like, or even love yourself along the way to the goal.

A ♥️ note to you:  Women are socialized to believe they are not enough and that they are too much all at the same time. So we are constantly trying to “better” ourselves so that we can finally reach some mystical version of us that is just right - that makes everyone happy - that makes us happy. But the only thing “wrong” with you is the nonsensical socialization that plays over and over in your head on repeat telling you that you aren’t enough and that you are too much. I can help you identify that socialization, see how it is showing up in your life, and learn how to unravel it. Just send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free consult at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.