You don’t have to.

You do not “have” to attend that event at work or that family function.

You do not “have” to say yes to that project, that case, that client, or that assignment, that favor for a friend, or that request from your child’s teacher.

Taking it to the extreme, you literally do not have to do anything—go to work, pay taxes, take care of your kids, take care of yourself.

Of course, there may be a trade off.

But you are ultimately making a choice (even if your choice is not deciding), and you have complete agency over how you spend your time.

The reason we feel compelled to do or to avoid doing something is because we are moving towards or away from some emotion.

Typically, when you are doing something that you are telling yourself you “have” to do, you are moving away from guilt, embarrassment, anxiety, or shame.

(And likely moving towards an emotion that we’ve become really good at tolerating, like resentment, annoyance, or resignation).

But you get to decide how you feel about the choices you make and about the results of those choices.

It starts by challenging the notion that you “have” to do anything.

First, recognize when you think there is something you “have” to do.

Second, what are you worried will happen if you say yes? If you say no?

MOST IMPORTANTLY, what are you afraid you will feel?

Take the first and most important step of becoming aware of your thoughts and how they make you feel.

So you can make sure you like the reasons for the choices you are making. So you can make your choices intentionally.

Awareness precedes intentional choice, and intentional choice precedes real change.

Learning that you have full agency over how you spend your time and your perception of how you choose to spend your time is a powerful gift that only you can give yourself.

A love note to you: Often we can’t see or understand why we do the things we do. We think it is required. Or it just is who we are. None of that is true. Having an objective sounding board, like a coach, is a great way to create mindblowing awareness that will inevitably result in change. Sign up for a free consult at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult to start getting awareness and stop doing things you don’t want to do.