Dealing with Negative Feedback - Part 4
So far, I’ve given you three tips this week for dealing with negative feedback— without the spin out: (1) Don’t rush to react; (2) get curious about your reaction to the feedback; and (3) reframe how you think about feedback generally and explore the particular piece of feedback you’ve received from a place of curiosity. (Link to prior posts in the comments).
Here’s the next:
4️⃣ Figure out what your options are for responding to the feedback and pick one.
You always have options.
Brainstorm what they are and what it would look like to implement them.
Don’t let your brain tell you “I don’t know.”
That’s a lie. Brains love to be confused because they can conserve energy that way.
Don’t leave this one off your list: 🔹Ignore it. 🔹
We often leave this one off because we’ve been socialized to defer to other people’s authority and to believe that other people’s opinions about us and what we do are more important than our own. I want you to always consider it, especially if you tend to people-please and defer to other people over yourself.
You are your own authority.
Phone a friend if you’re stuck. This is a great thing to run by a colleague, mentor, or coach. You don’t know what you don’t know. (For example, lots of junior lawyers get the feedback that they need to get better at writing, but no one tells them how. There are great persuasive writing courses out there and firms will often pay for them. But you have to ask for that.)
Once you have your options, answer this: What are the reasons for and against each option?
What you may see is that some of your reasons boil down to avoiding discomfort.
The discomfort of growing. Of acknowledging that you could have shown up better or different. Of having hard conversations. Of acknowledging that people’s opinions about you or something you did might be different than you thought. Of deciding that you don’t actually agree with and don’t want to do anything about the feedback.
You’re completely allowed to avoid discomfort. I just want you to do it intentionally rather than by default. The human brain always wants to avoid discomfort and will do so if you aren’t paying attention. This discomfort avoidance often isn’t serving us.
Then decide which set of reasons you like the most.
Pick that option and implement.
This isn’t about picking the “right” option. There is no correct option. But I encourage you to pick the one that aligns with your values and is congruent with how you want to show up in the world and is based on reasons you like.
This decision-making process will help the spin out. Your brain thinks there’s a problem (i.e., the feedback) even though there isn’t. If you aren’t actually trying to solve that “problem,” and instead you’re just repeating the negative story you’ve made up about what the feedback means, that’s going to make you anxious and perpetuate to the spin.
✨Final tip coming your way tomorrow. This one is the most important one. You don’t want to miss it.✨
A love note to you: If you already know this is your work, and you want help with learning to deal with negative feedback better or you want help with any other issue that’s causing you stress at work - let’s talk! You can absolutely have better day-to-day experience at work and that can start immediately. Just send me an email or sign up for a free consult with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult. It’s a completely judgment-free zone where we will discuss your specific pain points, what’s causing them, and come up with a plan to address them.
