The Creation of a Perfectionist Overachiever

How are Perfectionist Overachievers created? (Don’t know if this is you? Check out yesterday’s post.)

In many different ways. You have your own story of course.

But I see lots of commonalities in where it begins. 

For most, it starts early. We learn to follow the rules at home.

Rule following = praise.

The rule following → reward cycle is then heavily reinforced at school.

We learn quickly that if we follow the rules, we succeed. We get praised for succeeding. That reward reinforces the rule following. 

So you get good grades in elementary school. You follow all the rules. You make the honor roll. You have great attendance. You win awards and accolades.

You repeat it in middle school. High school. 

So you can get into a good college and repeat the cycle there. And just for the fun of it, maybe grad school.

And add in the socialization that women get that they are never enough as they are (and also too much at the same time 🙄).

Rinse and repeat. 

Until that internalization is so deep that you think that’s who you are. 

That it’s who you have to be. 

The rule follower.

The gold star grabber. 

Your self-worth and identity become wrapped up in succeeding. And to succeed, you must be the best. You must overachieve. Overachieving becomes a safety mechanism. But it is a terrible safety mechanism. 

Because along the way, you also learn to be overly conscientious. 

Overly accommodating. 

Rigid.

Fearful.

Quiet.

Competent but not confident.

Distrustful of yourself. 

Dissatisfied with anything less than overachieving.

The safety mechanism works pretty well in school. Rule followers are rewarded over and over again. But in the work world, this socialization often works to the detriment of women. 

It leads to:

▫️ Overworking

▫️ Overscheduling

▫️ Seeking external validation

▫️ Ignoring your own wants and needs

▫️ Burnout

▫️ Underearning

▫️ Imposter syndrome

▫️ People pleasing

▫️ Overpromising and underdelivering 

▫️ Indecisiveness

▫️ Reduced intrinsic motivation

▫️ A lack of self-trust and overreliance on the opinions of others

▫️ Limiting beliefs

▫️ Narrow thinking

▫️ Increased cognitive load

So what do you do about it? Check back tomorrow. 

IG comment: A ❤️ note to you: If this resonated, and you’re ready to ditch the Perfectionist Overachiever title and everything that comes with it, I’m here to help. Just send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or sign up for a free call with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.