Why do we think being lazy or unproductive is a problem?
That we should always be doing more?
That we have to earn our existence?
Because that’s what you’ve been taught.
The anti-laziness indoctrination starts early.
We (especially people socialized as women) are rewarded, starting at a very young age, for keeping our head down, minding our manners, getting good grades, and doing all the activities. We learn that we are worthwhile BECAUSE of the things we do. The more we do, and the better we do it, the more we get rewarded (at least in some ways).
We internalize a message that we are worthwhile BECAUSE we do all the things.
That socialization continues as an adult.
Busyness is a badge of honor. Productivity is the end all be all. Time is money. More is better. Go big or go home. #hustleandgrind is revered.
This way of thinking has long historical roots stemming all the way back to the Puritans and their Calvinist use of the “immorality” of laziness to further colonization and slavery and to separate the wealthy from the poor. (For a great book on this topic, including the historical underpinnings, check out the book in the photo).
Women, in particular, have been socialized for thousands of years to believe that what makes them worthwhile is the labor they give. What they do for others.
At work. At home. In their relationships. In the way that they act and look.
This socialization leads to many common (but mistaken) beliefs that you are probably using against yourself, including that:
▫️ You are constantly coming up short, and if you weren’t so lazy, you would measure up. If only you managed your time better. If only you were more efficient. If only you tried harder.
▫️ Prioritizing yourself is wrong and selfish.
▫️ Being tired, resting, and listening to your body is a moral failing and makes you weak.
▫️ Doing things you like for no reason other than that you like them is not worthwhile.
▫️ You should always be doing more. And you are always behind.
▫️ You have to earn the ability to rest and take care of yourself or do what you want.
You’ve been told that being lazy or unproductive is morally wrong over and over—explicitly and in millions of subtle ways.
That doesn’t make it true. Or helpful.
This socialization inevitably leads to things like:
▫️ Overworking and overscheduling
▫️ Filling up your time with busy-work or taking longer on tasks than necessary
▫️ Inability to get to things at all or in a timely fashion
▫️ Procrastinating
▫️ Burnout, exhaustion, and overwhelm
▫️ Taking on all of the household work and office house
▫️ Difficulty saying “no” to requests
▫️ No separation between your work life and personal life
▫️ Difficulty resting and relaxing and taking time off because of guilt and anxiety
▫️ Sitting in front of a computer or in your office even when work is slow
▫️ Chasing a neverending to-do list with no recognition of how much you have actually accomplished
Because shame and guilt never creates the results you want. And the results you get from shaming and guilting yourself don’t feel good. And that’s all you’re doing when you tell yourself you’re lazy or that you aren’t doing enough.
Stick around this week for tips on how you can start unraveling this socialization.
A ❤️ note to you: You don’t have to keep any of your current beliefs about laziness or productivity if you don’t want to. If they aren’t serving you (and I bet they aren’t). If they aren’t helping you create a life that you want and love. You can learn to think about yourself and your value in a completely different way. And still get plenty of stuff done if you want to. I can help. Send me an email (jenn@jenndealcoaching.com) or hop on a free call with me to hear how: jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult.
