Dealing with Negative Feedback - Part 2

This week I’m talking about how to deal with negative feedback - without the spin out. 

Yesterday I told you what the solution wasn’t. (Link in the comments.)

So what’s the solution? 

Change how you think about and process the feedback. 

Here are some ways to do that: 

1️⃣ Don’t rush to react. 

Give yourself time to take it in before you decide what to do with it. The brain has a negativity bias. Its automatic reaction is going to be to focus on the negative (and make something more negative than it actually is) and filter out the positive. 

When we are in that space, we typically don’t respond the way we want, and we don’t make clear, intentional, thoughtful decisions.

(If you also got positive feedback at the same time, make sure you take time to truly acknowledge your role in obtaining that feedback. Perfectionist tendency is to ignore it or discount it.)

2️⃣ Get curious about your reaction to the feedback. Curiosity is the antidote to pretty much every negative emotion.

Acknowledge how the feedback made you feel and create awareness around the line of thinking that is causing that emotion or those emotions. 

What emotion(s) come(s) up for you? 

Why? What is the thought causing those emotion(s)? What are you making the feedback mean?

In other words, a specific set of words were said to you or written. Then your brain creates meaning to those words that often go beyond the exact words that were said. 

What, if any, additional meaning are you giving what was said? 

How are you interpreting it

Why are you choosing to interpret it that way?

How else could you interpret it? (This allows your brain to see that its gut negative interpretation isn’t the only one.)

For example, if someone says you “could be more responsive,” your brain might interpret that to mean “I’m terrible at this job.” 

Which is not what the person said at all. And almost definitely not what they meant. 

It’s the additional meaning that you’re giving the feedback that feels painful. 

Just this exercise alone of separating out the facts (i.e., exactly what was said) from the story you are telling yourself can stop the spin out and/or lessen the negative emotion. 

More to come later this week. 

A love note to you: If you already know this is your work, and you want help with learning to deal with negative feedback better or you want help with any other issue that’s causing you stress at work - let’s talk! You can absolutely have better day-to-day experience at work and that can start immediately. Just send me an email or sign up for a free consult with me at jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult. It’s a completely judgment-free zone where we will discuss your specific pain points, what’s causing them, and come up with a plan to address them.