“They are disrespecting my time.”

I help women learn how to exercise more control over their calendars (i.e., time blocking, limiting email checking to certain times, setting boundaries, saying “no,” unraveling people pleasing and productivity mindset, etc.). 

One of the biggest struggles I see? Other people are rarely, if ever, on board with that goal in the way we want them to be. 

They will continue to schedule things outside of the hours you want to be working. 

They will continue to send the email, and then DM you 30 seconds later when they don't get a response… and then call you 30 seconds later. Even though you’ve blocked the time off to do deep substantive work.

They will continue to bug you during your vacation.

They continue to send emails asking for a status update before the very deadline they set is even close.

The list goes on. 

It's just a fact of life. Because they are also trying to control their own calendar. And the way that they're trying to do that may (and often will) conflict with the way that you are trying to control yours.

And this often leads to some variation of the thought that someone else isn’t being respectful of your time. 

And that may be true. It may be that they do not care in any way shape or form about your time. That they see their request, their demand, their project, their meeting, their deadline as more important than yours. It also may be totally unintentional. 

Either way, it’s rarely helpful to focus on the idea that someone is disrespecting your time. 

Here's how it tends to play out. YMMV. 

You think something like “They are so disrespectful of my time.” 

And then you get annoyed. 

And then maybe…

You stew. You think about telling them off or you craft and recraft the perfect email response in your head. You talk to your work BFF about how annoying this other person is. You rearrange your calendar so that you can fit whatever their thing is in, all the while being frustrated. You do a quick search of the job boards. 

You don’t do whatever else it was you were planning to do or at least not in the time you allotted to it. You don’t make a quick decision about how you want to respond based on your own schedule, workload, and preferences. You don’t pushback. You don’t look for a middle ground.

And none of it feels good. 

The result? 

You end up disrespecting your own time because you were spending time doing all of these other things. And that other person hasn’t changed one bit.

Some questions that can help save you some mental and emotional energy: 

How can I best respect my time right now? 

What would serve my short-term interests best here?

What would serve my long-term interests best?

Then decide what to do from there.

I like to think of it as my job to respect my time. And their job to respect their time. 

Sometimes that's gonna create a clash of interests. And that’s okay. 

And sometimes I’m going to choose to spend my time in a way that benefits me over them. Sometimes there’s a great middle ground. And sometimes I’m going to intentionally choose to spend it in a way that benefits them over me. That’s okay too. 

But we can reduce the time, mental, and emotional drain, and make better decisions, if we stop focusing on or even believing that other people can control or disrespect our time.

A ❤️ note to you: I know, I know. This sounds easier said than done. But you can do it, and I can help. Send me a DM or sign up for a free consult at https://jenndealcoaching.as.me/consult, and let’s get started now on making your career and life feel so much less stressful.