Decisionmaking Obstacle 8: Not Wanting to Feel Your Feelings

The reason for most of our choices – the reason we do or don’t do something – is because we want to feel a certain emotion or don’t want to feel a certain emotion.

We tend avoid negative emotions at all costs.

We’re hardwired that way.

We’ve also long been socialized to think negative emotions are a problem. That we shouldn’t have them. 

And there are some negative emotions we try to avoid more than others. Like guilt and shame.

That all influences your decisionmaking.

Our inclination is ALWAYS going to be to avoid the decision that we think will cause us the most emotional pain.

Even if allowing that emotion will give us a net negative benefit. Even if feeling it is the key to getting what we want. Even if we are just trading for some other negative emotion. 

Emotions like doubt, discomfort, vulnerability, rejection, embarrassment, or fear.

Those negative emotions aren’t the obstacle - refusing to feel them is. Allowing them to exist is the way through.

You’re always going to experience negative emotions. It’s part of the human condition.

They exist on both sides of whatever decision you’re trying to make.

But you get to decide which ones you want to feel.

What are the emotions you think you are avoiding by being indecisive? What would it look like to allow yourself to feel them?

A ❤️ note to you: Got a big decision you’re facing? Just generally wish you were more decisive? Let’s do something about it. I help my clients learn how to make faster decisions, with less drama, guilt, overwhelm, and anxiety. Send me a DM or schedule a free call with me at the Book an Appointment link in my bio to get started.