There were parts of BigLaw that I loved.

There were parts that I didn’t love.

Want to stop shaming yourself for being “lazy” or “unproductive”?

Give your brain contradictory evidence. Challenge the idea that you are lazy at all.

With actual facts.

“Laziness” is a powerful self-preservation tool.

Next time you tell yourself you are being lazy or that you should be doing more, check in with your body.

Baby steps to change your thoughts.

For most of us, it is going to be way too much of a leap to go from “I’m lazy” or “I didn’t get enough done” or “I should be doing more” to “I’m worthy no matter how productive I am” or “I always do enough.”

In fact, if you try and practice a thought that you really don’t believe yet - it can actually result in reaffirming the thought you are trying to change. Confirmation bias at play.

There’s nothing wrong with productivity. I’m all for getting stuff done.

But if you are measuring your self-worth by your productivity or you believe you are inherently lazy, you will never measure up.

So first things first: Awareness.

That we should always be doing more?

That we have to earn our existence?

Because that’s what we’ve been taught.

“I’m lazy” is a thought. Not a fact.

“I should be doing more” is a thought. Not a fact.

“I didn’t get enough done” is a thought. Not a fact.

You know that voice in your head that tells you “This isn’t for me”?

And not in an “I don’t like this or want this” kind of way.

But in an “I’m not good enough” kind of way. An “I can’t do that” kind of way. A “that will never work” kind of way.

Early on in my career, I strived to be a team player. It was regularly part of the positive reviews I got.

As I got more senior, I valued working with more junior people I considered team players. It was regularly part of the positive reviews I gave.

It’s still something I value about myself and that I value in people I work with.

But at some point, I realized I didn’t love all parts of my definition of “team player.”

When our brains are left unchecked, they tend to skew to the negative.

First, there is the negativity bias.

Human brains are more likely to notice, remember, think about, and respond more strongly to negative events.

It’s not unusual to get to a point where you realize your job is just happening to you.

You’ve had your head down, working hard, just trying to make it through the days.

Here’s what we tend to think confidence comes from: experience, innate talent, innate intelligence, or perfection.

Or some other quality or thing we think we don’t have or don’t have enough of yet.

But it’s none of those things.

Most high-achieving women have a productivity mindset.

In short, we are socialized to believe that our worth and our success is tied up in how much we do, including in how much we do for other people and whether other people are pleased with what and how much we’ve done.

This thought pops into my head all the time. Not as much as it used to thanks to all of my work on my productivity mindset. It’s still there though. Waiting in the background and biding its time. Ready to jump out at me and ruin my mood.

But here’s what I know. And what I always go back to.

The paradox approach switches our mindset from an “either/or” to a “both/and” or a “yes/and” or a “maybe/but” framing.

It allows you to acknowledge that some tension exists, for whatever reason, without limiting yourself with respect to what you have to think or believe, what your options are, and how you have to show up.

I help women learn how to exercise more control over their calendars (i.e., time blocking, limiting email checking to certain times, setting boundaries, saying “no,” unraveling people pleasing and productivity mindset, etc.).

One of the biggest struggles I see? Other people are rarely, if ever, on board with that goal in the way we want them to be.

There are often patterns to your catastrophizing.

For instance, many of us catastrophize at work about either getting fired or people being mad at us or disappointed in us, but not much else.

Figure out what your patterns are. Then answer these questions:

Additional tips for when you are catastrophizing or spinning out in the worst case scenario:

Reframe the What Ifs

Focus on the Present

Switching from “I’m going to get fired” to “This is no big deal” simply doesn’t work.

Your brain is just going to say, “OF COURSE THIS IS A BIG DEAL,” and keep on keeping on.

But you can still use your prefrontal cortex to slow or stop the spin.